I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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