i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
