Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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