He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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