see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
