So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
