Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
