I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
