Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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