the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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