i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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