Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i've created a new STD.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
