lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
