yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
