I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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