I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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