my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
