when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
