Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
