Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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