We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Damn victory sex feels great
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
is it fun? or sober?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
