Your mouth is God's brothel.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
