Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
