I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
