When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
