Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
