Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
