I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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