I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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