The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
