WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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