hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
