Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
