didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
