sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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