I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
pop tarts are not kleenex
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
