I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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