I wannas sexs uuuuu
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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