Please, let me fuck your mom
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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