If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
