I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
