you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
