i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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