either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
