how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
