oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
