if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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