I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
