Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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