I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
