Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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