So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
