why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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