the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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