and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
