Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
